October 7, 2012

The Catalyst For Change


"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."
- Anatole France

When I was about to leave home for the first time for college, most people around me were of the view that something of huge importance is about to happen in my life. Somehow this single act of getting out of ‘the nest’ is about to change me, my way of thinking, likes and dislikes, even way of doing things. They said, up until then my life was within the very safe protection of my family. Where I didn’t have to ever worry about being alone, uncared for, nor getting my laundry done and neatly ironed. At that time, it all seemed like every other long lecture that the wise elders used to give; some of these used to go longer and more boring than those that began with ‘when I was of your age’. I never could understand the compulsion for adults to give these repetitive telecasts of the same subject again and again, on an uncomfortably frequent basis. I never will until I reach their age, comes their immediately reply if I were to foolishly present this question to them. Never expect a straight answer from them, you’d never ever get it.

The thing is, even after months and months of getting into this college I couldn’t figure out what would be this mysterious catalyst within these four walls of the campus that was going to change me so drastically. Yes, I was alone and had to do everything by myself. Mother wasn’t here to tend to my needs and to provide me with her delicious food. I had to make do with whatever we could find here and try to survive on the stuff they called food and expected us to swallow. Yes, this was all new to me and so where the people here. But I was always able to make friends wherever I went and soon there was a huge mob of people that knew me and that I knew. So there really weren’t really many places around the campus town where I’d ever find myself lone for the remaining four years of college yet to come.

The college I went to was 400 kilometers far from my hometown Mumbai. So it was a one night of travel to go to and from there to home, so usually it was sometimes weeks or even more that I go to eat mum’s food. And throughout my time away from home, and even now, that’s probably thing that I miss the most. The food wasn’t that bad in the hostel, but as most things in life the monotony of it killed its novelty in time. Fortunately, the roomies that I got were all also a bunch of indolent, bamboozled, languid buffoons like me. And darn did I have a helluva time with all of them. We were a group of solid 16 idiots, give or take a few at any point of time. The best thing about it was that we met during the first weeks of college itself and we stayed together through most of it. Had millions of fights and gazillions of arguments, but as I’ve seen in most guys. None of these squabbles lasted more than a week, after the initial violent outburst. Guy friendships are simpler and less maintenance than with the female specie.



As far as the actual college was concerned: the lectures, tests, exams et al. I was probably not the best example of how a model student should be. We lived through college as any college life should be spent living. We must have discovered more spots around the campus where we could hide without the professors finding us after bunking classes than alumni before us, our dear old ‘Viraniyas’. We also went around the city every other weekend, exploring the place the most we can. The whole lecture attendance and decorum of a classroom befuddled me, still does. I mean, studying is essential I know. But each has his own method of doing that. I tend to only actually drill into books on the last few days of the semester and always was a sight to see, just short of Rainman. Some of my so called scholar-classmates, the mark-scorers, the famous clichéd brown-nosers; they usually also took away prize for working like a donkey. Literally.

What baffled me more while into all this, was the sheer ease with which I could get through with them, and never had to change myself too much to do that. Yes, I did have to learn to let some things slide by my notice and avoid things to get to me too easily. Yes, I learnt to control my violent bursts of temper, one of the best things I learnt there. Yes, I had to learn to adjust to the way some people lead their lives and learn to stay away from the really weird ones, their company always meant trouble. Yes, I had to accept that some people are never bound to listen to a single word of advice you’re going to give to them. Yes, I had to learn to bare the disappointment of watching them destroy themselves. But yes, I was fortunate enough to have known a few who were capable to come out of such spots better and wiser than before. And yes, I learnt not to get too carried away with myself and nor to put myself down in front of anybody. I learnt not to get myself to believe that I am over anyone and nor to think anyone was below me. I also learnt to forget things that don’t really help much by letting them inside your head for too long. Yes, I also learnt that life has some meaning within itself and what we are all doing here on this planet is not mere existing for existence’s sake. I learnt to find happiness in the smallest of things on this beautiful planet that other people tend to ignore most of the time.

If there was anything that I did or said there that I could change, I wouldn’t change a thing. I messed up loads of times, yes. And yes, there are things that I now think I should have done better in. But regret is one thing that we humans are not well equipped to deal with, so better to do away with them and cherish each of those wonderful times one has had in past, find solace and joy in their remembrance. And I am not only talking about my life around college and hostel and friends. My life there, and also my experiences there, in some very major ways re-defined the way I acted at home and treated loved ones.
Going away from home, has only brought me closer to it, loved ones and the real me.

Yes, sometimes I think. This one period in life has changed me. But it really could have been anything. Change only happens to a person when he is mentally and emotionally open to it, maybe I was ready at that point of time. Anything can really be one's catalyst for change, and it can come to you at any time of your life, sometimes even more than once, what matters is you being open to it and welcoming it into your life with arms wide open.





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